For You
by SugoiShawn
Summary: I was young when this all began, but you found me and supported me. This is my last letter to you before I have to leave.


I'm writing this for you because you need it. Because you need to know why I had to do it. Please don't come after me.

It was sunny when I first saw them. The light illuminating their rough faces as the stormed in through the gate. They'd attacked before, but I hadn't gotten a good look at any of them back then.

I immediately knew which one was Negan because of the bat. You told me what he did, but it was more terrifying than I thought it would be. I could swear I saw the remaining blood stains from Glenn and Abraham's heads.

You told me to hide, so I tried. I ran to Judith's room and held her, urging her not to cry.

"It's okay. Dad will take care of it. Don't worry about it."

She didn't make a nose. She just stared straight into my eyes and reached her hand up to me. I smiled while pushing open the closet. We slid in their together for ten minutes before they entered our house.

I heard the door slam open and things crashing all over the place. Knowing what had to be done, I wrapped her in one of my spare coats and set her down.

"Shh," I whispered while walking out of the closet. I closed the door behind me.

I slowly sat on the ground, my hand gripped at the knife in my pocket.

Judith made a crying noise. My grip tightened.

"I heard something this way!" a voice shouted from out in the hallway.

The door flung open and for a second I did nothing, but then I stood up. My hand remained at the knife.

"What're you hiding in here for, bitch?" the man said.

I remained silent.

"Is that a crib?" he gestured behind me. "Do you have a kid?"

I shook my head 'no.' "It was here when I got here. It's from the owner before all this zombie stuff happened."

I swallowed down my fear. He approached the closet and I knew I had to do something. I grabbed the knife and leaped on his back.

He was stronger than me and he flung me back to the ground. I didn't even get in a cut.

"Oh, you're in for it bitch," he taunted.

He grabbed my arm and yanked me up. The wind was knocked out of me and I had troubles moving.

I tried to catch my breath as he dragged me down the stairs and out the front door.

Once my eyes adjusted to the bright light, I saw everything. You seemed worried, but more about Enid than me.

A man was trying to take Enid's balloons. I leaned back to bite my captors hand. He screamed in agony and I ran to Enid and blocked her from the man.

"Leave her alone!" I grunted, staring him straight in the eyes.

"Why you bitch!" he slapped my face and I fell to the ground.

The taste of iron filled my mouth and I spat it out.

"What do we… have…"

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted feet walking closer and closer to me.

"Here?" the man finished. His bat tapped the ground next to my face.

I thought I was done for, but then you called my name.

"I'm fine!" I called back, hoping you would find me to be brave.

"I'll finish he-," the man who hit me was saying when another voice interrupted him.

"No. No. No. Don't you ruin her." his tongue clicked as he spoke, and slowly, I could feel him leaning down to me.

He grabbed my shirt collar and yanked me up the ground. I quickly looked for both you and Enid. You were both okay, so I knew that everything would turn out fine.

"Judith closet," I mouthed at Rick as he tried to ask the man to leave me.

It was Negan who had me. It took a while for it to seek in.

You had your hand on your hip, searching for a gun that wasn't there. I shook my head 'no' at you.

"I want her. Daryl, tie her up."

Daryl didn't move. He looked at me with slight signs of fear on his face.

"Come on Daryl. We don't got all day."

Daryl walked toward me. Another guy threw him a rope and a bandana.

He slowly began tying my hands and whispered in my ear, "Say something if it's too tight."

The rope stung a little bit and I gagged when the bandana was wrapped around my mouth, but I didn't want Daryl to get in trouble.

I looked back for you one last time and spotted you. You were watching Enid now, making sure she was okay. I was glad because you were safe.

I was tossed into the back of a truck and eventually everyone piled in.

Daryl sat next to me and untied the bandana. No one said anything as we bumped along the road.

You were safe, so I was fine.

I knew your dad would protect you. I knew Enid would too, so I didn't worry.

When we got to the place where they lived, they tried to separate Daryl and I. I screamed and struggled, but they were more powerful.

They dragged me to a room with a bed and some food. I ate nothing.

After twenty minutes of silence, they dragged me to a new place. The room was dark and cold.

They pushed me to the ground.

I heard my name come from the darkness and I felt my way over there. We were back together and I knew I'd be safe.

During the next couple of hours, Daryl got dragged out and threw back in. He seemed exhausted when he came back, but I didn't know how to help.

I thought of you while I was in there and thought that maybe someday I'd get to see you again.

I knew something was wrong when they started to pull me out. Daryl grabbed around my torso in an attempt to pull me back in. I screamed and kicked, but they threatened to hurt Enid, so I had to stop.

I was pulled into the same room as earlier. The room was dim and all the food was gone.

I won't force you to read what he did, Negan. But I will tell you this. I was vulnerable and he threatened you. He made me tell him what happened.

He threw me back into the room with Daryl and I had nothing. Nothing of me left besides my body. Daryl took off his shirt and helped me slide it on.

My body shook and tears flew freely down my face. Daryl grabbed me and held me close.

"We'll get out of here. I won't let them hurt you again."

Images of what happened flashed through my brain as I tried to focus on happier things.

I saw your face but then it turned into his, grabbing me again.

I didn't sleep the whole night. They threw in a short black dress in the morning and I quickly slid it on, giving Daryl back his shirt.

"You dressed? Someone's here to see you," a voice outside the door said.

I grabbed Daryl's hand. He pulled my close to me, his arms wrapped around me.

"I've got you," he whispered.

When the door flew open, I screamed and my body began shaking once more.

It was Dwight who opened the door. Daryl had told me about him, so I knew what he looked like.

"You ain't takin' her."

"What Negan wants, he gets. Don't make me play that damn song again."

I shook my head 'no' and gripped Daryl tighter.

"Come on or else Neagan is going to caught out the boy's other eye."

My heart dropped. I didn't mind leaving because I knew you were safe, but you came. You came all the way out here. I don't know why, but I knew I had to help you.

I slowly released my grip on Daryl and looked at him, tears in my eyes.

Dwight grabbed the back of my dress and shoved me along the hallway.

What was I going to say to you? Was I going to tell you what Neagan did? Was I going to attempt to kill Neagan?

I decided to wait and see what would happen.

Your patch was off when I came into the room.

A tear rolled down my cheek.

"Tell him, sweetie," Negan winked at me as he spoke. "Tell him what you told me last night."

I shook my head 'no' and he reached for his bat.

"I-i…"

He raised his bat slightly off the ground.

I stuttered out with a shaky voice that I loved you. Your face was confused. That's when I knew I might need to leave. I ruined our friendship and I'm sorry.

You saw what Negan did after that. How he grabbed me and stripped me of my humanity.

After two minutes of sobbing, he called Dwight over to take me back to Daryl.

I screamed nonsense as I was dragged away. I was scared for you.

When I got back to Daryl, I knew that he was planning on escaping. He was standing at the side of the room.

We waited for our moment which soon came. A miracle happened. Someone slipped us a note letting us know that now was the time to leave.

Daryl and I managed to make it out and we ran into Jesus along the way. We took a motorcycle to the hilltop. Maggie was there. She hugged me and tried to get me to talk, but I didn't say anything.

When you came, I was vomiting behind Maggie's trailer.

I felt sick. Like someone was tearing apart my insides.

It was a few days before I saw Neagan again. But I knew by then that I had to leave you and the group.

In the middle of all this fighting, I am writing you this letter then heading out. I have taken a little bit of food and a blanket, but not much. I don't want you guys to suffer. I want to know that everyone is okay. But with what's inside, I can't say. I can't live with myself anymore, but I know I have to. I have to protect it. Even if it costs me my life.

I've told Daryl where I went, but only him. Please don't come after me. Daryl knows not to tell anyone and I know he won't.

Good bye, Carl. Maybe someday I will see you in another life.


End file.
